I know it’s borderline cliché, but if you had been around my American Literature Teacher, you’d also not care about being original! It’s not that he is incredibly handsome, but he just has an attractive vibe to die for. Oh! And it may be worth noting that he also has a wife and two young kids!… Well, I can’t argue with Mark Twain: there is definitely a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable! Let me explain…
I told you I quitted college and I know I’ve been pretty vague about it. I think you can recognize it’s not the action I should mention as my greatest accomplishment at a job interview, but I know it doesn’t mean I have to be ashamed of it either…
The Ex was the most important part of my life, so when it started to get real bad and when it truly ended, my mind wasn’t in anything anymore, let alone college.
I was so afraid to see my grades go down (and just imagine if I’d fail a class! The horror…) that I set an appointment with the head of the English Department. I explained him the situation and ask if it would be possible to terminate my semester right away without any damage to my student record.
He was really comprehensive and sensible to my situation and managed to accommodate me only if I promise I would come back to college to eventually graduate when I would feel better. I promised, though not with a lot of confidence. I was just happy I could stop worrying about my grades and go cry my life in a little dark corner (I was totally the emo version of myself at that time).
So I hold on to my promise, like the good girl I am, and got back to college at the beginning of this semester.
And then I realized: was I feeling that bad last year? I know I was sad and broken, but how could I not notice the Head of the Department himself?
Let me tell you I didn’t miss noticing him at the first American Literature class because he also turned out to be my teacher!
I spent most of this class wondering how the heck I could have neglect the incredible charisma and coolness that is exuding from him when we first met. I know I was a living dead at that moment, but come on! Even a zombie can’t stay straight in the presence of such a man.
And the charisma and coolness weren’t the only stimulants to my desire; if only it had been! At the end of the first class, he made me a little sign, inviting me to come to his desk. There had been multiple eye-contact between us during the class; he had surely recognized me, even out of my Walking Dead cosplay.
“It is a real pleasure to see you again, [Christy]. You seem to be doing well.”
I was way too close to him, way too close! My impression of him turned from “hum, what an attractive person” to “OH MY GOD! What-the-hell-is-this-sexual-tension-can-I-take-my-clothes-off-right-now!” in the time it took him to say those words. Which made me go completely stupid and I’m 100% sure my face got totally red.
Yeah, like a little girl in front of her first love.
“I’m doing better than the last time we spoke, not that it’s really hard to beat,” I managed to say coherently, to my greatest surprise. “I’m glad to be back.”
“I’m happy to hear it, but I would like to take an appointment with you so we could discuss more… openly.”
A girl was standing behind me, rolling a lock of hair around her finger and biting her lower lip while she was waiting for her turn to speak with The Teacher, which I could not blame her for at all.
“No problem,” I said but what I thought was closer to: “I don’t know how I’m going to be able to stand in a tiny, closed office with you without abusing of your body.” And while taking the appointment, I was already envisioning it turning exactly that way.
After all, I was single and in a process of searching for sexual encounters with men, so what could possibly be wrong about having sex with my too-funny-too-interesting-too-cool teacher?
(Although I did take a mental note to check out in The University rules and regulations to see if there’s something against teacher/student sex, but I had already planned on not caring about it if it existed.)
So I thought my way was all clear and I was already losing my mind imagining our appointment (which, in my fantasies, he had set up only because he also wanted me).
Ah! Such a naive girl I was!
The reality crashed into me at the second American Literature class.
I was anxiously awaiting for it to come, looking out for reasons to go to his desk at the end of the class and thinking of questions to ask him. I swear, just so he’d pay attention to me, I got real close to write “Love You” on my eyelids like that girl in Indiana Jones!
And it was going well—even though, I have to admit my questions were not always relevant…—until the dreadful moment he mentioned his family.
And the worse thing is: he didn’t just casually drop the fact that he is married and have kids. Oh no! He went on and on about how amazing his wife was and how lucky he was to have two healthy and smart little kids and how he felt blessed to have them in his life!
What a mood killer!
Not only did my perfect situation was burning up into ashes, but I also felt really guilty for only thinking about making a move on him. I mean, come on! Being the possible reason to break up this perfect family! I don’t think I could ever look myself in the mirror again if I’d do that.
But still, even with the new information, I stood there for the rest of the class just waiting for an eye-contact with him. I know… Pathetic.
At the end of the class, I was taking way too much time packing up my things (it surely didn’t seem natural) when I felt a presence behind me. I knew it was him instantly because of his too-good-smelling perfume, but also because I could literally feel the sexual connection running between us. (And I’m using the word literally to its grammatically correct use here!)
“Yep!” What a lame response… I can’t believe I’ve said that.
“I am going to have to postpone our appointment. My wife had an emergency at work so I have to pick up the kids. Is it okay with you?”
Was it okay with me?
Come on! There was absolutely nothing okay with me in that whole sentence!
But what could I say? I just let a little moment pass to enjoy being in his presence before I answered that I didn’t mind at all—what a lie, I’m sure he noticed it—and that I completely understood the situation—not a lie there, but I omit to say how annoyed I was by the whole situation.
And do you know the worst of this all? He kept postponing our appointment again and again from that moment!
Every week he had something new coming up; when it was not a sick child, it was an emergency in the department, a case with a problem student or some other exasperating excuses I didn’t bother to remember. I started to believe he really didn’t want to have a meeting with me or maybe he didn’t care as much about my well-being as he pretended.
But even so, the only thing on my mind during every class we had was just how much I wanted him. (Sometimes I think I have a man’s brain for thinking about sex that much…) Every time he was saying: “Does anyone have questions?” I felt an urged to raise my hand and answer: “Yes! Is it possible to have sex with you, Sir?”
At least, I was able to control my actions better than my thoughts!
It was only last week—Yes! Last week!—that the meeting actually occurred. I had an evening class that ended at nine-o-clock and he said he’d be in his office because he had a phone conference with a teacher from Japan or something.
I didn’t believe it was truly happening up to the moment I knocked on his door. He opened the door and…
Well, you know what happened, right?
No, I didn’t jump on him; I’m civilized! But I totally knew at the second he closed the door behind me that we were totally screwed.
Totally, completely screwed.
I sat on the chair he pointed me, behaving like a lady should and I carefully answered his questions about how I was doing since my break-up and what was the climate like with The Ex. I also listened with my ladylike manners as he was compassionate, explaining to me he had gone through a rough phase after his first serious relationship ended.
I’m telling you: I was flawless.
No double-meaning statement, no flirty eyes or sexy positions, not even the slightest compliment directed to him.
Out of my respect for the vows of marriage, I did absolutely nothing to try to turn this really nice meeting between a concerned teacher and her returning-to-college student into a rated-R meeting.
I acted like the angelic girl I used to be before my state of singleness began.
And all was going pretty great; we were both acting like there was no sexual receptivity between us up until the meeting ended.
“I’ll walk you out. It is much too late for me to still be here.”
He walked towards the door that was behind me as I got up to follow him. But he didn’t open the door right away. He closed the lights of his office first.
Now it may seem like nothing, but the two seconds between the moment he closed the lights and the moment he opened the door were some of the most intense seconds I’ve ever lived. I don’t know if it resulted from the intimacy the darkness created, but it sure made my heart race.
As he opened the door, after those two-year-long seconds, I felt so disappoint that the moment was gone. I couldn’t help myself:
“I think I forgot something…” I said turning around back to my chair, hoping he would follow me.
He didn’t open back the lights, only the ones from the corridor were lighting up the office. The ambiance was absolutely perfect. Not knowing what the hell I was doing, I acted as if I was grabbing something on the chair when I felt his presence behind me again.
The tension was too high to endure. I turned to face him and the first thing I knew we were kissing.
Not just an average kiss, oh no! A kiss releasing all the tension we had been building up for the past weeks. We were grabbing each other body’s like we would have caught on fire if we let go.
He pushed me against his desk, grabbed my thighs to lay me on it and… He backed away.
He freaking backed away!
Just long enough for my brain to start functioning again. Just long enough for him to say: “I can’t… My family… I can’t.”
Then I don’t really remember how it happened, but I got out of his office and back to my place with an annoying mix of arousal and guiltiness spreading into my entire person.
And… Yep, that was the closest it got to something actually happening between us. Well, up to now—not that I plan on acting like a stalker and pursue him until he gives up on his vows, but… I’m really disappointed!…
At the end of the class this week, I still took way too much time to pack my things and he did the same. Once everyone else had left the classroom he came to me. And for a second, I foolishly believed he was coming to ask for more.
“What happened the other day, it can’t happen again—”
Those were the most awful words I’ve had ever heard, but I couldn’t stop myself from cutting him. I had to have some morality too.
“I know, your family. And I really respect that.”
“There is also the fact that I promise myself I would never get involved with a student, even when I was single.”
“That’s very professional of you.” And also very boring and irritating.
“It had been quite easy to hold on to my promise… until you were assigned to my class.”
Note here to men who are trying not to cheat on their wife: don’t clearly mention to the girl who obviously wants to have sex with you—because you previously shared an incredibly intense kiss with her—that you have a hard time controlling yourself around her. Seriously, if you don’t plan on having sex with the said girl, it just way too unfair to say that!
Before leaving, he said something like he wanted me to be able to share my academic or personal concerns with him, despite what happened between us. I answered that he didn’t have to worry about that, though without real enthusiasm.
So yeah, I guess it’s not now that I will know what it feels like to have sex with someone you share such a huge sexual tension with!
But you know… the semester is not over yet…
I can’t believe what my single status as done to my morality, but what can I say! There is really something particular going on between us.
But for now, I hope I can satisfy myself by enjoying how he makes me feel when he teaches and do everything that I can to not find an excuse to meet him alone in his office.
I bet with time it will become more tolerable…
I better soon find someone to evacuate all the sexual drive The Teacher created, it’s starting to be hard to cope with. The question is, who will be the lucky one?
All I’m asking is someone without a wife and kids. Please.
Tell me in the comments!
Like this story? Share it!