Sometimes it’s like destiny puts some people on your road for a reason. You were just meant to meet them and they were meant to change your life for good. The Tattooer is this kind of person to me. There is just no doubt about this. Let me explain…
I did leave you hanging with the ending of the last post, but I hope you’ll forgive me. The thing is: this wasn’t part of the plan! It’s just that… The Tattooer was different from the other adventurous partners I had so far.
Here’s what happened the next morning, right after the too-nice evening and the very-nice night:
I woke up with a smile on my face. This recessive habit of resting my head on The Ex’s chest in the morning resurfaces by itself and The Tattooer just naturally put an arm around me and said with a sleepy voice:
“Good morning, little bunny.”
We spent the longest time in the bed, having a conversation about all and nothing before we decided to get up and go eat a breakfast somewhere. But only after we had sex again. Two times.
He took me to this really cute restaurant who was serving the most beautiful fruits and pancakes plate I had ever seen in my life. The meal was amazing, as was the conversation. The Tattooer told me all about the beginning of his tattoo studio (turns out he’s the owner), how he managed to enhance the tattooing experience for his customers and how he was working hard to stay unique in the market of The City.
His eyes sparkled the whole time and I found myself a little jealous of him, wondering if I’d ever have the same passion for my future career.
After the breakfast and the too-many free refills of coffee, he said he had to go home and change before heading back to his office.
He took me home and before I got out of his car, he asked me for my cellphone.
“What for?…” I asked him a little scared he would do something really weird like The Gamer would have done, like taking a selfie of himself and putting it as my wallpaper—both lock AND home screen.
“Just trust me,” he said calmly, looking me straight in the eyes.
So I gave him my cell phone, unlocked, without asking any other questions—it’s those freaking-deep-green eyes of his; I can’t say no to them!
He gave it back to me after doing something I couldn’t see, then he kissed me softly. I got back to my apartment, flying an inch over the ground.
When I got inside, I sat on the sofa and checked my phone: he had added himself to my contacts, and instead of adding his name, he had typed “Cute Tattooer Who Really Likes Me”.
My first thought was: “Aw! So cute…”
I went completely numb.
I froze right there looking with terrified eyes at the cutest thing a guy had ever done to me. You know, the kind of look that people normally reserve to an angry bear mothers met in the middle of the forest.
I realized I was falling in love (or, at least, getting really, really way too close to it) with a guy that seemed almost too good to be true, and I was panicking.
I got up and walked all over my apartment a thousand times, panting like I’d just ran a marathon, repeating to myself: “Just calm down. Just breathe. Just calm down. Just breathe.” And that, by the way, was as effective as politely asking a fire to quit burning down a house.
When I understood that, I went lying on my back on my bed, closed my eyes and pictured myself in a forest, trying to calm and control my breathing.
Somehow, after what appeared to be a very long time, it seemed to work. But I stayed on my bed, afraid the anxiety would come back again until I received a text from The Party-Friend:
Soooooo what happened with sexy tattooer last night? 😉
Instead of replying to her, I called her and asked if she could come over, what she did right away. I knew she was with her new awesome guy, so I felt this rush of love and gratefulness for her.
When she arrived, I told her everything that happened from the moment she left us yesterday to the panic attack I just had.
“What if I’m unable to love someone again?” I asked her desperately, my eyes filling up with tears. “What if [The Ex] broke me beyond repair?”
“Hey! Don’t say that, okay? It’s not that you won’t be able to love again. It’s just that you’re not ready yet. And you know I know something about this…”
She really did: The Party-Friend spent the last four years collecting dates, never staying with someone longer than a month or so. Sometimes, after a couple of glasses of wine, she would bewail about how she was going to stay single for the rest of her life.
But the truth was, she was always searching out for reasons to end up her relationships. Until one day, she looked me straight in the eyes and told me she was ready to let someone in. She was now willing to take a leap, to let herself be vulnerable and to finally be open to real love. Then, after a year during which she hadn’t been with anyone, she met The Awesome-New-Guy.
She has been dating him for only a few weeks, but I can already tell it’s different with him. And I can’t wait to meet him.
So yeah, she knows something about “just not being ready”. And she also knows it can change.
Her advice was to tell him the truth directly: that he was really amazing and that I had the greatest time with him, but that I couldn’t keep on seeing him because I wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship.
And telling him turned out easier than I thought it would. I texted him (because I’m chicken like that apparently) and his answer was:
If that’s what you want, it’s okay
But I wasn’t going to propose to you in two dates, just sayin’
(Ah! If only he knew it is, in fact, a very plausible concern to have!)
We could just have some other great nights together again
I answered that it was very tempting, but that I thought it was better not to. Maybe one day we could, but not now. And so far, he didn’t text me again.
But I’m so grateful for meeting him and for those conversations with him. Somehow, I know he was supposed to be in my life, one way or another.
This thing he had said about how I could minor in something stuck to me; it’s like once he implanted this option into my head, I couldn’t imagine any other.
And when I searched in The University’s website to find out which minor I could choose, only one stood out to me. One I never thought I could seriously consider: Entrepreneurship. I even surprise myself looking at the whole program, contemplating the possibility to do a double-major.
Because I want the sparkles The Tattooer had in his eyes when he was speaking about his business. Because I want to be independent and free to push my ideas as far as they can go. But most of all, because I want to make a difference and not being held on by all the bureaucracy and hierarchy over my head.
Unfortunately, it seems to be a little too late in my academic path to declare a minor…(You know, bureaucracy!) So tomorrow I’m meeting the advisor of the Business School, to see what my options are. Cross your fingers for me, okay?
And yet again: to be continued.
Do you think she’ll see The Tattooer again? Do you also think that she’s just not ready to love again?
Tell me in the comments!
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